Captivating.

by John and Stasi Eldredge

I cried when I first read this book. I'd start reading it then start crying. Then eventually I'd put it down because I had other things I needed to do. But then I'd pick it up again and start crying all over again. Perhaps I was just really emotionally unstable at the time. But then when I read it again about a year later, I think I cried in some parts again. And then when I read it again a few weeks ago I didn't cry, so I guess I'm less unstable now. But anyway.

The title says Captivating ... unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul. I suppose that's a pretty big claim to make, to say that this book you're holding unveils the mystery of a woman's soul. I tend to be a bit skeptical about books for women or men, just because I feel they generalise too much, or are prone to stereotyping, which I don't particularly like. But this is an AMAZING book. And it actually did unveil some mysteries.

We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

TO BE ROMANCED: Now, being romanced isn't all that a woman wants, and John and I are certainly not saying that a woman ought to derive the meaning of her existence from whether or not she is being romanced by a man... but don't you see that you want this? To be desired, to be pursued by someone who loves you, to be someone's priority? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced.

OH MY GOODNESS!! When I read this I was like, huh? It's normal? I had NO IDEA! I thought I was just being stupid and unrealistic and caught up in movies and novels. But the desire to be romanced is actually meant to be there. And I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that it most certainly is there. I've lost count of how many times I've written in my diary that I want to be wanted. And I know all too well how crappy it is when it feels like I'm not.
But more than that, as an image-bearer of God (Gen. 1:27), a woman's desire to be wanted and pursued reflects GOD's desire for the very same thing -
I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone... From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why won't you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point... In other words, "Look for me, pursue me - I want you to pursue me." Amazing.

AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE IN A GREAT ADVENTURE: ...[Women] were made to be part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We do not want the adventure merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don't want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendant purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.

And here again I find myself struck dumb because that's EXACTLY how I feel. I do want to be an irreplaceable part of SOMETHING. I want to be needed and I want to know that I have something that only I can offer, and should I find anywhere that needs it, I would offer it immediately. (Again, I'm sort of embarrassed to be admitting this). In the book it talks about the translation of Gen. 2:18 - "It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him an [ezer kenegdo]". Hebrew scholar Robert Alter... says this phrase is "notoriously difficult to translate". The various attempts we have in English are 'helper' or 'companion' or the notorious 'help meet'...What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing "One day I shall be a help meet"? Alter is getting close when he translates it 'sustainer beside him'. The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.
I think the point is, that you ARE needed desperately. And you DO have an irreplaceable role to play.

BEAUTY TO UNVEIL: For now, don't you recognise that a woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.
But in order to make the matter perfectly clear, God has given us Eve. The crowning touch of creation. Beauty is the essence of a woman... Yes, the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain. But Christians minimise it too, or overspiritualise it, making it all about 'character'.

Ouch. These were the most painful chapters for me to read. The book says that all women long for a beauty to unveil, and that this desire is part of her design. When I read this I was like, oh no. I'm SCREWED. Beauty to unveil? Beauty? What beauty?!! Sure I want it, of COURSE I wish I had a beauty to unveil. Just not so sure I have it. Whatever else it means to be feminine, it is depth and mystery and complexity, with beauty as its very essence. Now, lest despair set in, let us say as clearly as we can: Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God. Beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation.

This is just a very brief overview of the book. I can lend it to you if you'd like. I think guys should also read it, because it also mentions the heart of a man and his role in the world, also how he is meant to relate to the women in his life. (Note that this is not a book to help you get a girlfriend.)
Girls, I highly recommend this book to you, because it will help you understand some important truths about yourself. It's actually okay to want to be wanted. And yes, you are actually beautiful. And yes, you do have something to offer this world that only you can offer.

Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, "May I have this dance... every day of your life?" His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing for the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response.

the shack.

The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. (I think the 'Wm' means William).

This is a really good book. It follows the story of Mackenzie Allen Phillips who loses his youngest daughter, Missy, to a kidnapper/murderer during a family holiday. A police search finds Missy's bloodstained dress in an old abandoned shack in the forest. Missy's body wasn't recovered.
Years later Mackenzie finds a note in his letterbox inviting him to return to the shack. The note is signed by God. So Mack drives back to the shack after much debate with himself and lying to his wife. And there at the shack, Mackenzie meets God.

The book seeks to answer the question 'if God is so good, why do bad things happen?' As Mack spends the weekend with God the Father (in the form of an African American woman named Papa), God the Son (a Middle Eastern man - named Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit (an Asian woman named Sarayu), they answer his questions and help him to understand certain theological truths. And in doing so, help the reader to understand these truths.

Mack looked at her [Papa], looked at the timer, and sighed. "I feel totally lost."
"Then let's see if we can find you in this mess."
Almost as if on cue, a blue jay landed on the kitchen windowsill and began strutting back and forth. ...
"Consider our little friend here," she began. "Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." She paused to let Mack think about that statement. "You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around."
Mack nodded his head, not so much in full agreement, but more as a signal that at least he understood and was tracking. That seemed simple enough.
"Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something I want for you."
There's the rub. He didn't feel particularly loved at the moment.
"Mack, pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly." ... "And if it's left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."

"So, who is it that I am supposed to judge?"
"God" -she [Wisdom personnified as Sophia] paused- "and the human race." ...
Mack was dumbfounded. "You have got to be kidding!" he exclaimed.
"Why not? Surely there are many people in your world you think deserve judgement. There must be at least a few who are to blame for so much of the pain and suffering. What about the greedy who feed off the poor of the world? what about the ones who sacrifice their young children to war? What about the men who beat their wives, Mackenzie? What about the fathers who beat their sons for no reason but to assauge their own suffering? Don't they deserve judgement, Mackenzie?" ... "What about the man who preys on innocent little girls? What about him, Mackenzie? Is that man guilty? Shouldn't he be judged?"
"Yes!" screamed Mack. "Damn him to hell!"
"Is he to blame for your loss?"
"Yes!"
"What about his father, the man who twisted his son into a terror, what about him?
"Yes, him too!"
"How far do we go back, Mackenzie? ... what about God? God started this whole thing. Is God to blame?" ... She continued, "Isn't that your just complaint, Mackenzie? That God has failed you, that he failed Missy? That before the creation, God kenw that one day your Missy woudl be brutalised, and still he created?... Isn't God to blame, Mackenzie?"
Mack was looking at the floor, a flurry of images pulling his emotions in every direction. Finally he said it, louder than he intended, and pointed his finger right at her: "Yes! God is to blame!" The accusation hung in the room as the gavel fell in his heart.
"Then," she said with finality, "if you are able to judge God so easily, you certainly can judge the world." ... "You must choose two of your children to spend eternity in God's new heavens and new earth, but only two." [Mack has 4 children plus Missy].
"What?" he erupted, turning to her in disbelief.
"And you must choose three of your children to spend eternity in hell."
...
"I can't do this," he said softly.
"You must," she replied.
"I can't do this," he said louder and more vehemently.
"You must," she said again, her voice softer.
"I...will...not...do...this!" Mack yelled, his blood boiling hot inside him.
"You must," she whispered.
"I can't. I can't. I won't!" he screamed, and now the words and emotions came tumbling out. ... "Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I'll go in their place. Would that work? Could I do that?" He fell at her feet, crying and begging now. "Please let me go for my children. Please, I would be happy to... Please, I am begging you. Please...please..."
"Mackenzie, Mackenzie," she whispered. ... "Now you sound like Jesus. You have judged well, Mackenzie. I am so proud of you!"
"But I haven't judged anything," Mack offered in confusion.
"Oh, but you have. You have judged them worthy of love, even if it costs you everything. That is how Jesus loves."

I have the book if anyone wants to borrow it. It contains a lot more eye-opening conversations.