the shack.

The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. (I think the 'Wm' means William).

This is a really good book. It follows the story of Mackenzie Allen Phillips who loses his youngest daughter, Missy, to a kidnapper/murderer during a family holiday. A police search finds Missy's bloodstained dress in an old abandoned shack in the forest. Missy's body wasn't recovered.
Years later Mackenzie finds a note in his letterbox inviting him to return to the shack. The note is signed by God. So Mack drives back to the shack after much debate with himself and lying to his wife. And there at the shack, Mackenzie meets God.

The book seeks to answer the question 'if God is so good, why do bad things happen?' As Mack spends the weekend with God the Father (in the form of an African American woman named Papa), God the Son (a Middle Eastern man - named Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit (an Asian woman named Sarayu), they answer his questions and help him to understand certain theological truths. And in doing so, help the reader to understand these truths.

Mack looked at her [Papa], looked at the timer, and sighed. "I feel totally lost."
"Then let's see if we can find you in this mess."
Almost as if on cue, a blue jay landed on the kitchen windowsill and began strutting back and forth. ...
"Consider our little friend here," she began. "Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." She paused to let Mack think about that statement. "You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around."
Mack nodded his head, not so much in full agreement, but more as a signal that at least he understood and was tracking. That seemed simple enough.
"Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something I want for you."
There's the rub. He didn't feel particularly loved at the moment.
"Mack, pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly." ... "And if it's left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."

"So, who is it that I am supposed to judge?"
"God" -she [Wisdom personnified as Sophia] paused- "and the human race." ...
Mack was dumbfounded. "You have got to be kidding!" he exclaimed.
"Why not? Surely there are many people in your world you think deserve judgement. There must be at least a few who are to blame for so much of the pain and suffering. What about the greedy who feed off the poor of the world? what about the ones who sacrifice their young children to war? What about the men who beat their wives, Mackenzie? What about the fathers who beat their sons for no reason but to assauge their own suffering? Don't they deserve judgement, Mackenzie?" ... "What about the man who preys on innocent little girls? What about him, Mackenzie? Is that man guilty? Shouldn't he be judged?"
"Yes!" screamed Mack. "Damn him to hell!"
"Is he to blame for your loss?"
"Yes!"
"What about his father, the man who twisted his son into a terror, what about him?
"Yes, him too!"
"How far do we go back, Mackenzie? ... what about God? God started this whole thing. Is God to blame?" ... She continued, "Isn't that your just complaint, Mackenzie? That God has failed you, that he failed Missy? That before the creation, God kenw that one day your Missy woudl be brutalised, and still he created?... Isn't God to blame, Mackenzie?"
Mack was looking at the floor, a flurry of images pulling his emotions in every direction. Finally he said it, louder than he intended, and pointed his finger right at her: "Yes! God is to blame!" The accusation hung in the room as the gavel fell in his heart.
"Then," she said with finality, "if you are able to judge God so easily, you certainly can judge the world." ... "You must choose two of your children to spend eternity in God's new heavens and new earth, but only two." [Mack has 4 children plus Missy].
"What?" he erupted, turning to her in disbelief.
"And you must choose three of your children to spend eternity in hell."
...
"I can't do this," he said softly.
"You must," she replied.
"I can't do this," he said louder and more vehemently.
"You must," she said again, her voice softer.
"I...will...not...do...this!" Mack yelled, his blood boiling hot inside him.
"You must," she whispered.
"I can't. I can't. I won't!" he screamed, and now the words and emotions came tumbling out. ... "Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I'll go in their place. Would that work? Could I do that?" He fell at her feet, crying and begging now. "Please let me go for my children. Please, I would be happy to... Please, I am begging you. Please...please..."
"Mackenzie, Mackenzie," she whispered. ... "Now you sound like Jesus. You have judged well, Mackenzie. I am so proud of you!"
"But I haven't judged anything," Mack offered in confusion.
"Oh, but you have. You have judged them worthy of love, even if it costs you everything. That is how Jesus loves."

I have the book if anyone wants to borrow it. It contains a lot more eye-opening conversations.

Above The Water

This was written on 26/05/07. Hope you like it.

Verse 1
Tell me why I'm still standing here
I've been slipping away for so long
Surely I should have been gone by now

Chorus
But it's You who holds me high
It's You who keeps me anchored to this life
It's You who holds my head above the water

Verse 2
So many times I thought I'd breathed my last
The air is too thin down here
As the icy water drowns me, it feels like the end

Verse 3
I cried out for You to save me
But at the same time tried to swim away
Too late I realised I was sinking

Bridge
Darkness consumed me, I couldn't breathe
But through the pain I saw You walk across the raging ocean
And You held my head above the water

private and confidential.

At what point is it acceptable to break confidentiality? And since confidentiality and trust are so intertwined, at what point is it acceptable to break trust?

Confidentiality is really important to me, for some unknown reason. Maybe because I've had so many problems with it in the (relatively) recent past. And for some other unknown reason, all the issues with breaking trust and confidentiality that I've had have been with leaders at my church/youth. Why is that? I guess it's because I trusted them enough to share with them, trust that may/may not have been sorely misplaced. And I suppose that's the question - to what extent is it reasonable to keep someone's secrets that they've entrusted to you? And after they've broken that trust, is it unreasonable or considered unforgiving to never ever trust them again?

For a more lighthearted example, in year 5, I had a crush on a boy the year above me in our composite 5/6 class. So I told my best friend that I liked him. To set the scene a bit, me and this friend were inseparable. Our teachers always got us confused (apparently we looked the same), I was Tweedle Dee and she was Tweedle Dum. Or maybe I was Tweedle Dum and she was Tweedle Dee, I don't remember. The point is, we were best best friends.
I don't know how much time passed between then, but one day I found out that she had told one of the girls that he hung out with, and it was a bit of a joke in their circle. It's a horrible feeling, realising that your secrets have been leaked. I didn't talk to that friend for a while, just sort of sat by myself during lunch, or hung out with other grade 5 girls.
I don't think the rift took too long to heal, though. We're still pretty good friends now though we don't get to hang out as much because we go to different universities. And it was a somewhat petty matter (though not petty at the time).

For a less lighthearted and more recent example, a few years ago I shared with my youth leader something that I was struggling with. That sort of set off a whole cascade of messed up-ness. He told another youth leader, and then an older girl at church who was supposed to follow up on me (she didn't), told the pastor, they both told my parents (incidentally on the same day he said he wouldn't tell them). There was just a lot of telling behind my back. And it was only after a lot of lying on the part of the teller did I finally find out that it had been told. Recently found out that there has still been some telling going on, again within the youth leadership. Not sure who my parents have told. Not really sure who knows at all now. (I know it sounds like the issue is really serious - it's not). But the principle (and question) remains - to break trust and confidentiality, or not to break trust and confidentiality?

In light of the revelation of the recent tellings, I'm not really sure how to respond. On one hand I sort of feel a bit angry that I've been stripped of my privacy and my right to tell only the people I want to know. On the other hand I know that people didn't tell others out of malicious intent but I do wish that the church leadership could learn to keep confidentiality. I do have issues with trust now. I'm tired of sharing with certain people, then suddenly everyone else knows. It's not necessary that so many people know just for the sake of knowing. When I tell someone what's happening or what I'm struggling with, either it's because I'm asking for help, or I'm trying to help them (like if I'm trying to empathise with someone or give advice). I'm not asking for them to pass the information around to people they think could help or people they think should know. I'd like to hang on to my right to share my own secrets rather than have others share them for me.
Sounds like I've decided to be angry, doesn't it.

Obviously there must be some limit to confidentiality. If you have a friend who has told you of plans to murder someone, please do tell.
I think in some cases it boils down to the rights of the person to act on their own will. If your friend tells you she's going to elope with someone, I don't think it's acceptable to tell her parents. Her choices are her choices, it's not your responsibility to mess things up for her. I guess it could be argued that it's her parents' right to know. But it's also her right to carry out her own decisions. And I suppose it's also her right to run away with this guy. Gah! It's so complicated.
But I'm also sure that we don't care for someone for no reason. I guess when you care for someone and they're about to/are doing something wrong, there's an urge to intervene. That urge must be there for a reason. Does that mean that our innate, God-given sense of morality makes it acceptable to break confidentiality every once in a while? Has postmodernism and 'enlightened' thinking warped our morality? Think of all the rights we now fight for - euthanasia, abortion, homosexual marriage... Even the church itself is divided on these issues. But at what point does the argument of 'rights' become irrelevant because our morality has found solid ground on certain issues? Do we only stop at paedophilia and civillian casualities? Or do we hold fast to values and ethics that are now considered 'old fashioned'. Where did those values come from anyway? God. And why did we start with those values, rather than begin with the right of same-sex marriage and then progress to condemning it? Because God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and now the world has warped us. On the other hand, I don't think anyone disagrees with the development of women's rights. It's all very confusing. I'm not a sociologist. Or a historian. Or even an optometrist.

Anyway, I'm getting a little sidetracked. The point of this blog entry is confidentiality. And to be honest, I'm still divided on the issue of where the boundaries lie with it.
I guess I can only conclude that it's not a pleasant feeling to know that you shared something with someone you trusted, but they broke your trust and told other people for whatever reason. In a lot of situations the reason doesn't remedy the act. I still would find it difficult to trust that person. Personally I don't think it's unreasonable to forever distrust that person with any further secrets. ('Secrets' is such a dramatic word but I can't think of anything else). But forgiveness is something else entirely. I may not trust that person anymore, but I don't wish them any ill-will, I don't hate them, I would help them if they needed it. I just don't trust them.
Maybe something that would help (would have helped for me), would be to get permission from the person before telling others. If you're concerned for the person and feel like you need to tell someone else, talk to them first about it (can I stress the first). Perhaps a solution can be reached before you need to break confidentiality. Perhaps it would be a whole lot better and would 'soften the blow', so to speak, for you to explain why you need to tell someone and you're not doing it just because you can't shut up.

So despite this lengthy entry, the line remains blurred as to when it is or isn't acceptable to break trust and confidentiality. For me, confidentiality is v. important. But I guess for others, not so much.

Where Are We Now

Here's my Father's Day song. Trying to find time to record it properly but til then, here are the lyrics, should anyone wish for them... kaPOOF! Here they are. Thanks to all those who said encouragifying things when I sang it at church; it gathered a somewhat unexpected response. Thanks most of all to GOD who helped me write it and sing it without crying. Though the writing part was accompanied by much crying.

Verse 1
We've had our ups and downs
Our moments in the clouds
Words exchanged that we didn't mean
Where are we now?

Verse 2
From birth to teenage years
Seen my laughter, seen my tears
Misunderstandings and happy endings
Where are we now?

Pre
I know I haven't always been the daughter I should be
But there's something you should know
A confession to you from me

Chorus
Daddy, I love you
Can't always show it, don't always say it
But I do
Daddy, I love you
Daddy, I love you
We're both not perfect, works incomplete
But it's true
Daddy, I love you

Verse 3
Must be hard behind the scenes
Food, clothes, house, and school fees
My first steps then teenage rebellion
But look how far we've come

Verse 4
One day your little girl
Will be all grown up
We look back to this day
Where are we now?