god, get me out of here because i don't want to do this anymore

Irreplaceable

Verse 1
Every girl longs to be
The beautiful princess one day to be queen
And every boy wants to be
The hero to sweep her off her feet
But what happened in between
From innocent child to broken dreams
Is this now really all we were meant to be?

Verse 2
Every woman can feel it
A hole deep inside her heart
Every man needs to know it
Is he, is he enough?
But what happens when the world
Has thrown its worst at us
When bruised and battered, hurt and wounded
We cease to love

Chorus
This world needs you
It needs your strength, it needs your love
This world needs you
It's going to need all of us
So don't hide anymore
You are beautiful, you need to know
The light of your soul, the part that you hold
Your heart, irreplaceable

Verse 3
Lonely people, lost and hopeless
Living just to get through the day
Empty steeple, trapped outside
Broken hearts pushed away
If only we could see them and love them
Reach out, be unconditional friends
How amazing, how glorious would we be then

Bridge
Every heart can be mended
And every life once broken be made whole again
Every child once abandoned
And every wound mishandled can find healing from our hands
We love because He first loved us
Darkness falls but be strong and courageous

Chorus
This world needs you
It needs your hands, it needs your voice
This world needs you
It needs your arms of love to the fatherless
So don't run anymore
Your courage and mine, it's going to need us all
To one lonely soul, you are their last hope
You are irreplaceable

[20/02/08]

Captivating.

by John and Stasi Eldredge

I cried when I first read this book. I'd start reading it then start crying. Then eventually I'd put it down because I had other things I needed to do. But then I'd pick it up again and start crying all over again. Perhaps I was just really emotionally unstable at the time. But then when I read it again about a year later, I think I cried in some parts again. And then when I read it again a few weeks ago I didn't cry, so I guess I'm less unstable now. But anyway.

The title says Captivating ... unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul. I suppose that's a pretty big claim to make, to say that this book you're holding unveils the mystery of a woman's soul. I tend to be a bit skeptical about books for women or men, just because I feel they generalise too much, or are prone to stereotyping, which I don't particularly like. But this is an AMAZING book. And it actually did unveil some mysteries.

We think you'll find that every woman in her heart of heart longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

TO BE ROMANCED: Now, being romanced isn't all that a woman wants, and John and I are certainly not saying that a woman ought to derive the meaning of her existence from whether or not she is being romanced by a man... but don't you see that you want this? To be desired, to be pursued by someone who loves you, to be someone's priority? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced.

OH MY GOODNESS!! When I read this I was like, huh? It's normal? I had NO IDEA! I thought I was just being stupid and unrealistic and caught up in movies and novels. But the desire to be romanced is actually meant to be there. And I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that it most certainly is there. I've lost count of how many times I've written in my diary that I want to be wanted. And I know all too well how crappy it is when it feels like I'm not.
But more than that, as an image-bearer of God (Gen. 1:27), a woman's desire to be wanted and pursued reflects GOD's desire for the very same thing -
I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone... From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why won't you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point... In other words, "Look for me, pursue me - I want you to pursue me." Amazing.

AN IRREPLACEABLE ROLE IN A GREAT ADVENTURE: ...[Women] were made to be part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We do not want the adventure merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don't want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendant purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.

And here again I find myself struck dumb because that's EXACTLY how I feel. I do want to be an irreplaceable part of SOMETHING. I want to be needed and I want to know that I have something that only I can offer, and should I find anywhere that needs it, I would offer it immediately. (Again, I'm sort of embarrassed to be admitting this). In the book it talks about the translation of Gen. 2:18 - "It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him an [ezer kenegdo]". Hebrew scholar Robert Alter... says this phrase is "notoriously difficult to translate". The various attempts we have in English are 'helper' or 'companion' or the notorious 'help meet'...What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing "One day I shall be a help meet"? Alter is getting close when he translates it 'sustainer beside him'. The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.
I think the point is, that you ARE needed desperately. And you DO have an irreplaceable role to play.

BEAUTY TO UNVEIL: For now, don't you recognise that a woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.
But in order to make the matter perfectly clear, God has given us Eve. The crowning touch of creation. Beauty is the essence of a woman... Yes, the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain. But Christians minimise it too, or overspiritualise it, making it all about 'character'.

Ouch. These were the most painful chapters for me to read. The book says that all women long for a beauty to unveil, and that this desire is part of her design. When I read this I was like, oh no. I'm SCREWED. Beauty to unveil? Beauty? What beauty?!! Sure I want it, of COURSE I wish I had a beauty to unveil. Just not so sure I have it. Whatever else it means to be feminine, it is depth and mystery and complexity, with beauty as its very essence. Now, lest despair set in, let us say as clearly as we can: Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God. Beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation.

This is just a very brief overview of the book. I can lend it to you if you'd like. I think guys should also read it, because it also mentions the heart of a man and his role in the world, also how he is meant to relate to the women in his life. (Note that this is not a book to help you get a girlfriend.)
Girls, I highly recommend this book to you, because it will help you understand some important truths about yourself. It's actually okay to want to be wanted. And yes, you are actually beautiful. And yes, you do have something to offer this world that only you can offer.

Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, "May I have this dance... every day of your life?" His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing for the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response.

grace.

Now here's a totally mindblowing concept. I'm somewhat hesitant to write on this topic, just because I don't think even the most eloquent of bloggers could capture what grace actually means. I don't want to miss anything out or use the wrong word that fails to convey what exactly it is I'm trying to say. In fact, I'm not entirely sure how to begin saying what I want to say.

Grace. If you're not completely amazed by it then I don't think you really understand it. Grace, as defined by my Bible glossary is unmerited favour, unearned benefit, undeserved kindness. God's amazing gift of forgiveness of sins and power to live with dignity in the present and with hope for the future.
Grace is AMAZING. It's like one day winning $20 million in the lottery and saying, "But...I didn't even buy a ticket..." It's like getting 99.95 in VCE and not even studying. But better.

Grace totally baffles my mind. I have stuffed up SO MANY times in my life. Lots of minor things, also lots of major things. I know I'm so far from perfect sometimes it's hard not to get smothered by all my failures and shortcomings. But then I think about God's unmerited favour, His unearned benefit, and undeserved kindness in my life and I'm like, wow. I think of all the blessings He has poured into my life - house, food, nuclear family, a job, education, my friends at uni, friends at youth... Things I definitely don't deserve even if only because of all the times I've taken them for granted.

God, why would you love me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Nothing. What could I ever do to repay You? Nothing. Then why do You love me so much? I created you for Myself. So just relax and let Me love you.

I can't imagine living life without God's grace. Must be horrible. Thinking that you need to make it on your own, that you need to be good or do good in order to be someone with a secure place in heaven. But you can't. It's not possible. Firstly, why would you believe in heaven and not God, and if you do believe in both heaven and God then what god exactly is it that you believe in because grace is an inherent part of God's character. Secondly, if you don't believe in God but still think that you need to 'be good' to get to heaven, then where exactly did you find your standard of 'good'? I don't belive our morals and sense of right and wrong could have possibly arisen from evolution. If that were the case then why is rape such a heinous crime?

I suppose most people fall into one of three categories: those who think they don't need grace, those who know they need grace but feel too far out of reach, and those who know they need grace and embrace it.

For a long time I fell into that second category. I'm actually a very insecure girl for all sorts of reasons (but working on it). Being 'too far out of reach' was one of those things I felt I just needed to deal with and live with, because I felt so messed up that I didn't see why anyone, let alone the God of the universe, would want to have anything to do with me. These thoughts and feelings sort of governed my life for a few years, they affected my schoolwork, relationships, everything. It was pretty depressing, in case you didn't guess.
But now - now everything is not perfect. I'm possibly still as messed up and insecure as I was before. But now I can have hope that there is something better for me out there, that I'm not too far out of reach, or too messed up to love. I believe now that despite all my flaws and failures, God loves me for who I am and His grace and mercy extends even to people like me. And you :)

counselling 101

I'm not a counsellor. Never have been, but I have counselled people before in a very nonprofessional, fumbling for words kind of way. Most of what I'm going to write here is common sense, personal experience, and what I've learnt from Manifest rally. The rest of it that isn't common sense, personal experience, or what I've learnt from Manifest rally is just nonsense and you would do well to ignore it :)

• the key to bringing someone out of their struggles is to love them out. People aren't stupid (though we all know stupidity comes in varying degrees), most of them can tell when you're being genuine and you really love them, and when you're just putting on a show or doing something out of duty. When you have no idea what to say and the person is sobbing into your shoulder, just tell them honestly that you love them. I guarantee you they'll start crying harder (but a good sort of crying now). It makes a world of difference when you're at rock bottom and someone tells you they love you and they genuinely care and want to be there for you even when they have no clue what they're doing.
• consistently and regularly follow up on them. (This is one of my own ideas). I don't think there's much point in a one-off heart-to-heart then they never hear from you again. It would be a manifestation of your love and heart towards them if you made the effort to call or sms them, even meet up with them in person. I've had too many experiences in my time where I've heard "I want to help you and be there for you." And then I never hear from them again and I'm like, "err...what just happened? Did I do something wrong?" Let me tell you now, it DOES NOT help to start counselling someone then not follow up on it. In fact, it may make things worse because the person may end up feeling like they're not worth helping or loving. It's so important to continue to walk with them until they break through.
• listen carefully to them. Empathise and sympathise with them. Validate their feelings. I've found it can be very comforting just to talk it all out to someone who will just listen and not judge or condemn me. I've also found that from listening you may be able to pick out details that will enable you to better help them. Listening will help you to root out the issues. For example, if you're counselling someone for depression and you notice they talk obsessively about food and what they ate that day, that may be a sign of a developing eating disorder (and eating disorders often accompany clinical depression), which should be addressed sooner rather than later. Another scenario is that by listening closely to someone, you may realise that the problem you're counselling them for isn't the actual problem. Perhaps they just want attention (and that's not a joke). But then why do they want attention - this may have deeper issues that need to be rooted out. Perhaps they were neglected as a kid, and had some overachieving older sibling. Or a needy, bratty, little younger sibling.
  
• ask questions. Of course this needs to be done with sensitivity. Some questions may be in touchy areas or dredge up distressing memories that needn't be brought up at that moment. On the other hand sometimes the person may just need to be confronted in order to get it out. Ask about background, relationships, past experiences that may have contributed to the problem now, what are the triggers, how do they feel about this issue or this person, why do they think they feel/think this way. It's important for the person to come to their own revelation of their feelings. Ask them how they think this problem came about and what they think they should do about it. Prompting them with these questions will get them to be more active in solving the problem. It encourages them to look at things more objectively.
  
• be firmly grounded. There have been a few times where hearing about people's problems makes me upset myself. Therefore, it's important to very stable yourself before you throw yourself into these kind of things. And by stable I don't mean you need to be perfect and without problems, I mean you need to have your own safety net and friends that will encourage you and uplift you. And most importantly you need to be grounded in God.
  
• confidentiality. For my view on this, see the post entitled 'private and confidential'. Confidentiality and trust are of paramount importance. However, some issues may require senior, more professional advice from experienced persons.
  
• make it clear that you are not the solution. Of course you're not the solution, you're the agent for the solution. You're sort of like the channel, in a way. My analogies really suck. My point is, counselling someone tends to lead to a very adhesive emotional attachement. (And for this reason, counselling the opposite gender is strongly discouraged). You become that person's one and only. And that is BAD. They turn to you for everything, they fully depend on you. But you're only human and the smallest mistake you make may crush them. Point them towards God-dependency, not man-dependency. Now I'm not saying that if a girl has a problem and you're a guy then you have to walk away in the opposite direction as fast as you can. That would be mean. Just be careful of the signals that you're sending or that she may be sending and try not to spend alone time with her, invite another girl to come along.
  

I hope this has been helpful. This is definitely not professional advice as I am not a professional in anything, really. If something I've said disagrees with you, think about it, ask someone. Obviously each case is different and something that may work with someone may not work for someone else. But above all, love them.

Jasoon.

My purple duck friend!! <= purple

Jason, you're one of the funniest people I know. Sometimes I don't think you even realise it; sometimes you're just so random. Like the time at supper in Box Hill when you were telling us about your aunty with the 'unfortunate name' as JerP put it. I don't even remember what the name was but I remember that it was indeed unfortunate. And I remember not being able to breathe because I was laughing so hard as you mimicked your mum talking to her on the phone. What was the name again? Some awkward coagulation of consanants beginning with G and ending with K, if I remember correctly...

Jason, you have a true heart for worship. You've been doing a really good job at worship leading and you take it seriously, not just as some set of 'holy' songs. You've really grown as a worship leader. I think most of us start out concentrating on just trying to do the signals and coordinate that with singing the right notes but now I really believe that you are well past that stage and you've developed into a worship leader, not just a song leader.

Some things about you just baffle me. Like all the times you've talked to me about how things were going wrong, the things you were struggling with and yet you always ended the conversation with how you trust God and you know that all things will work out because He's in control and you'll just keep worshiping through it all. Things like that really amaze me because I myself tend to just turn into some self-centred hermit when troubles come my way. So hearing you say these things encourages me. Keep it up! Another thing you've taught me and that I really admire is your humility and your ability to ask for help when you need it. I have never seen even a glimpse of pride or arrogance in you at youth (though I'm pretty sure you're not perfect - none of us are :p) but my point is that pride isn't a major issue with you as it is with some others.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my Master Uguay-ong for teaching me soccer skills like feinting and giving me tips like, 'it's important to be confident so find something that you like doing', and this led us to sing a midnight rendition of Twinkle Twinkle in the single-digit degree temperatures of Albury during MYC. And then we ate biscuits. So thankyou for taking me under your wing as JaneLee-kenobi.

Jasoon purple duck, you are such an important part of Impact. Though we may tease and poke fun at you (as well as just poke you in general) we all love you so so much! And we would definitely all notice and miss you terribly if you broke your leg and weren't able to come on Friday nights. So moral of the story is, don't break your leg. Arm is okay.

Rechil

I can't even BEGIN to explain how proud I am of this girl! I have known Rachel for as long as I can remember because our parents are friends from the Stone Age. I've seen her grow exponentially as Christian in the past few years and I am SO PRIVILEGED to have been able to watch her and walk beside her.

Rachel, you are amazing, really you are. I've said most of this to you before in some form or another but I'm going to say it again here so that everyone can read it and know just how awesome you are! Your heart to serve is such a blessing to everyone around you, especially at IMPACT. You've been doing a great job at making the birthday cards and you're very organised with it as well, doing your best to make sure they get signed and are given to the person on time. Also with supper duty, you've been very organised and faithful with that as well.
I see how you look after people and how you are so good at following up on them and keeping in touch. I know sometimes you worry that you aren't doing enough, but believe me, what you do to keep in contact with people is at least ten times mroe than the average person.
I truly believe that as you live your life for God, people will and can already see that there's something different about you. You do have a heart for people and you notice them. And not only do you notice them, you love them and you go out of your way to talk to them and spend time with them. I know I'm older than you and all, but watching you love others really does motivate me to want to look after people more as well.
You've been doing an amazing job with kids' church. From what I remember, you stepped up to help out with it only because there wasn't anyone else, but that's what makes it extra special. I think you went a little bit out of your comfort zone but you've really done so well with it and you've made a lasting impression on the kiddies just by loving them and taking the time and energy to be involved in their lives. I'm so proud of you!!
You just have such a heart and a willingness to serve in the church and outside as well (like Mustard - I'm so excited for that!!) that it really shines through. The Kingdom of God needs more people like you. People who see the needs around them and who step up to meet those needs. That's what a true leader does. You're also very teachable (though I remember a time once when you weren't :p) and I love how you ask questions to find out more or to be able to answer someone else's questions.

It's really been an amazing privilege to be your friend and to watch you grow and become involved in ministry. I know this is such a cliche phrase, but you have SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I really believe you are well on your well to reaching it :D :D

You are my boo.