grace.

Now here's a totally mindblowing concept. I'm somewhat hesitant to write on this topic, just because I don't think even the most eloquent of bloggers could capture what grace actually means. I don't want to miss anything out or use the wrong word that fails to convey what exactly it is I'm trying to say. In fact, I'm not entirely sure how to begin saying what I want to say.

Grace. If you're not completely amazed by it then I don't think you really understand it. Grace, as defined by my Bible glossary is unmerited favour, unearned benefit, undeserved kindness. God's amazing gift of forgiveness of sins and power to live with dignity in the present and with hope for the future.
Grace is AMAZING. It's like one day winning $20 million in the lottery and saying, "But...I didn't even buy a ticket..." It's like getting 99.95 in VCE and not even studying. But better.

Grace totally baffles my mind. I have stuffed up SO MANY times in my life. Lots of minor things, also lots of major things. I know I'm so far from perfect sometimes it's hard not to get smothered by all my failures and shortcomings. But then I think about God's unmerited favour, His unearned benefit, and undeserved kindness in my life and I'm like, wow. I think of all the blessings He has poured into my life - house, food, nuclear family, a job, education, my friends at uni, friends at youth... Things I definitely don't deserve even if only because of all the times I've taken them for granted.

God, why would you love me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Nothing. What could I ever do to repay You? Nothing. Then why do You love me so much? I created you for Myself. So just relax and let Me love you.

I can't imagine living life without God's grace. Must be horrible. Thinking that you need to make it on your own, that you need to be good or do good in order to be someone with a secure place in heaven. But you can't. It's not possible. Firstly, why would you believe in heaven and not God, and if you do believe in both heaven and God then what god exactly is it that you believe in because grace is an inherent part of God's character. Secondly, if you don't believe in God but still think that you need to 'be good' to get to heaven, then where exactly did you find your standard of 'good'? I don't belive our morals and sense of right and wrong could have possibly arisen from evolution. If that were the case then why is rape such a heinous crime?

I suppose most people fall into one of three categories: those who think they don't need grace, those who know they need grace but feel too far out of reach, and those who know they need grace and embrace it.

For a long time I fell into that second category. I'm actually a very insecure girl for all sorts of reasons (but working on it). Being 'too far out of reach' was one of those things I felt I just needed to deal with and live with, because I felt so messed up that I didn't see why anyone, let alone the God of the universe, would want to have anything to do with me. These thoughts and feelings sort of governed my life for a few years, they affected my schoolwork, relationships, everything. It was pretty depressing, in case you didn't guess.
But now - now everything is not perfect. I'm possibly still as messed up and insecure as I was before. But now I can have hope that there is something better for me out there, that I'm not too far out of reach, or too messed up to love. I believe now that despite all my flaws and failures, God loves me for who I am and His grace and mercy extends even to people like me. And you :)